Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Downer than ever...

Judging by the title this isn't going to be a very positive post as I don't have anything positive to say. Lately everything just seems to be going from bad to worse.

I have had the flu and been off work the past few days. When I catch something else like a cold, flu or virus it makes my Fibromyalgia symptoms so much worse. I ache more, I have less energy and just generally feel more rubbish than usual. So day to day things do become pretty impossible for me when I'm ill, my mum's even been having to dry my hair for me! 

As I've had quite a lot of time off work in the past few months due to my condition and stress from working in a sales based role. I have been put on report for my absence as it's too high for someone who only works 16 hours a week. God help me find another job if I can't even handle rolling out of bed to sit on the phone for four hours a day. As I've now had further days off for the flu, I am pretty much on the road to being laid off work. I'm really stuck with options as I don't know what to do. Who will want to employ me if my previous job I was sacked for having too much time off sick?! Looks like a trip to the local Citizens Advice Bureau is on the cards now. So if anyone knows any information for being fired due to illness PLEASE let me know!

I've also been having a pretty rubbish social life, all I want to do is lie in bed and rest with a good film or evening TV. I don't have the energy lately to go out and do things, so if I do it tires me out so much. People really do take being able to go out and do what they want whenever they want for granted, I'd love to be able to. I feel as if I let people down all the time as I have to cancel things last minute or just say no if it's something I know I won't have the energy or strength for. It makes me feel so bad when I have to let people down, I will literally stress and feel guilty for days. As they don't see it as their ill friend being too ill to do something, they see it as a normal friend that's letting them down which isn't the case. I would LOVE to do all the things I've missed out on due to illness such as holidays, festivals, nights out, nights in and days out. I am starting to realise though that friends that make me feel like that if I can't do what they want or go out with them aren't friends worth having. Friends should understand that I'm ill and understand I can't do everything they can do. 

Jeez, by the sounds of this I'm going to be jobless and friendless soon haha!
No I do have some amazing friends and family that do understand and I couldn't cope without them, but no matter how many people I have around me I still feel lonely as I'm the only one who really knows what I'm going through. As every Fibromyalgia sufferer is different. Some can have jobs, some can go to university and lead a normal life. Guess I drew the short straw as I can't do half the things they can.

So yeah I'm downer than ever lately, but when you've reached the bottom, the only way is up!
Hopefully my next post will be good news or that I've won the lottery!